For most people church is a place of renewal, healing, and connecting with God, and with whom we share a spiritual bond. The rituals of our faith bind us. Communion, reciting the Lord’s Prayer, singing sacred hymns, and reciting scripture are just a few examples of ways we connect. The familiarity of those rituals helps build relationships and trust.
We hold dear the outward signs and tenets of our faith. For those who have been sexually abused by a minister, priest, rabbi, or spiritual leader within the church, the tangibles of our faith become contaminated.
Not only was our soul ripped open by the wolf in sheep’s clothing, but our cherished connections to the church are destroyed by the reminder of what was done to us within the walls of the church, by a “man of God” no less. It wasn’t just what was done to us, but who did it.
To be raped or molested by one’s father is devasting; but to be molested by a spiritual father creates another layer of pain and confusion. When a spiritual leader becomes sexually involved with a member of his congregation, he takes the spiritual life from the member, distorts it, and changes it forever.
Confidence Stripped Away
Abuse by a spiritual leader strips away our confidence in the church and the trust in our leaders. It takes from us the security and love we once believed to be unshakable. Abuse by a spiritual leader calls into question everything we had been taught to believe, even the existence of God.
These men twist scripture to justify their actions. They use the victim’s vulnerability and natural trust to take advantage of the victim, creating a disconnect from one’s faith. This disconnect, the destruction of our trust in the church, can create for many, a life-long separation from the place that once brought such joy and peace.
My Commitment Ran Deep
As a teenager I was very active in my church. If the doors were open, I was there. I loved my church. I was growing in my faith. As a result of my pastor’s abuse, I lost a lifetime of growth in my faith and involvement in my church. My spiritual connection to the church was taken from me. As I describe in the chapter “Spiritual Wounds” from my book, Let Me Prey Upon You, the very things that once brought me such happiness were now only sickening reminders of what was done to me by my minister, my church, and its leaders.
Even years later, attending church, any church, brought unwelcomed memories. It was a harsh reminder not only of my minister’s actions, but also those of church leaders who insisted upon my removal from the church. Don’t dismiss our spiritual disconnect. It is real. Things most people find comforting, such as church attendance, prayer, and bible study, can be impossible for many victims.
There is a beautiful old hymn, “In the Garden.” The chorus begins, “He walks with me and He talks with me and He tells me I am his own.” For many, these words convey a wonderful and caring relationship with God. It was my abuser’s favorite hymn; he requested it be played often in church. When I hear that hymn, I am not comforted. I am traumatized. Fear and sadness fill my heart.
In times of need, many seek comfort through the guidance of a spiritual leader. Prayer is a lifeline to those facing difficult times. But for victims of clergy abuse where do we turn? We are left to pick up the shattered pieces of our faith alone.
You Are No Longer Alone
For many, it seemed like we would always be on our own. This is why I wrote, Let Me Prey Upon You: Breaking Free from a Minister’s Sexual Abuse.”
Preview a free chapter of Let Me Prey Upon You: Breaking Free from a Minister’s Sexual Abuse.